There are Times
by LadyRaider
Summary: There are times when she catches him watching her. EO


There Are Times  
  
Disclaimer: As I have said before, Law & Order: SVU does not belong to me, the characters (though not actually named) don't belong to me either. The story is my idea, though. I am making no money for this story. That good enough to you?  
  
A/N: If this sounds a bit like a story some of you have read "So, He Stares" that's because I took the general idea of that story and made it into something entirely different. Why, you might ask. Well, because the wonderful people at fanfiction saw fit to take my other story off, because it was posted for two different Shows. Well, they kept it on the other show (X-Files) and took it away from this one. So, I changed it up (a lot), and here we are. It's EO.  
  
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There are times when she catches him watching her, staring with though intense blue eyes of his. She often questions him about it, although she already knows what his answer will be, what it almost always is. He'll cock his head to one side (either or, it always changes), as if confused by her question, like he hadn't been watching. Then he'll simply say "nothing." No more than that, just that one simple word. But, on occasion he won't even say that. Sometimes he just shakes his head, like he doesn't trust himself to utter that one simple word, like maybe something other than that two-syllable word will come out. Something that would bring forth way to many consequences.  
  
Then, there are times that, when she catches him staring, she says nothing about it. Just goes back to whatever she was doing as if nothing had happened. Most of the time because she likes it when he stares, other times because she doesn't trust herself to say her normal simple word, "what?".   
  
Sometimes, HE catches HER staring. Well, not staring, more daydreaming. He'll smile and ask her if she needs anything and his voice will bring her out of her reverie. She'll look at him and say, "huh?", or ask if he said something. He'll shake his head and go back to whatever he had been doing. She'll go back to her daydream, like nothing happened.  
  
There are times when she loves him unconditionally, but there are times when she hates him with every fiber of her being. Like the time he ordered the protective detail on her without telling her about it. Times like that she wonders how she fell in love with him in the first place. Although, those thoughts tend to be short lived. Though she tries she can never stay mad at him for long.  
  
Sometimes when it's late at night and she can't sleep, or wakes up after an unnerving dream, she wonders what her life would have been like had they not met. Would she be married? Have children? Still be single? Would life have been easier had she not fallen for a married man?  
  
Then, at other times when she's restless, she wonders what her life would be like if he wasn't married, if he was free to love her as she loved him. If he could, would he?  
  
There are moments where she wonders if he does have those feelings for her. It would explain all the staring and the jealous look he gets in his eyes when somebody hits on her. But, then she reminds herself how outlandish that is, he's married. His loves his wife, not his partner. Right?  
  
There are times where she wishes she could hold him, kiss him, touch him in a way that's anything but platonic. Then, there are times where all she wants is to push him away, to never have to see him again.  
  
She hates how she feels for him, hates herself for falling in love with a married man, hates him for being so perfect to her in the first place. She hates how, whenever he's around, she feels complete and when he's not there it's like a piece of her is gone. A piece of her that she can never get back.   
  
And, when it's all said and done, at the end of the day she knows there will never be a 'them', there couldn't be. He wouldn't leave his wife, even if he did love her, and she would never ask him to. And, he would never cheat on his wife, and she would never be the other woman. Though, there are times where she feels like, if he asked her to, she WOULD be the other woman. She'd let the rational part of her fly out the window and let her emotions take complete control.  
  
She often dreams of him, sometimes the dreams are very pleasant, most of the time they're anything but. The latter tend to wake her, sometimes in a cold sweat, other times screaming, occasionally even crying. After she wakes from these dreams, these nightmares, she's tempted to call him, see if he's ok. The logical part of her keeps her from doing so. And, she never gets back to sleep.  
  
There are times when she thinks that she should tell him how she feels. Like, maybe if he just knew the extent of her feelings he might feel the same way and they could somehow be together. But then, she muses, what if he doesn't feel the same way? Could she face him? Would she be able to continue to work alongside him? Or, would it complicate things to much? In the end, that part of her, the sensible part, always wins. She never tells him.  
  
There are times like these, when they're at work, neither talking or even acknowledging that the other is sitting just across from them. Work keeps them busy, sane in some ways. Work allows them to be together without repercussions, when they're working they can enjoy each others company without having life outside the office hanging in the balance. Even if they're only be platonic. There's a sort of unspeakable bond between the two of them. Despite the situation, she loves those moments. In those moments she doesn't have to worry about loving him, she's focused on work.  
  
The familiar feeling of someone watching comes over her and she looks up from her desk to meet his crystal blue eyes, "what?"  
  
He smiles, "nothing." Then goes back to what he'd been doing.   
  
A small, sad smile tugs at the corners of her mouth and she lets it grow. He looks up and sees her smile.  
  
Now it's his turn to ask, "what?"  
  
She grins, "nothing," she says her right eyebrow slightly raised in a challenging way.   
  
He chuckles and goes back to his work.  
  
There are times when she catches him staring, and knows that, in the end, everything's going to be ok.  
  
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A/N: Ok, so let me know what'cha think 'bout this. I hope you like it, it's another one of my 3 AM stories. I've come to find that those normally turn out to be pretty good. I should stay up writing at ungodly hours more often, eh? Anyway, review! 


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